Ever feel like a complete and total idiot? Not just an idiot...a complete and total one. Let me cut to the chase...I accidentally superglued feathers to my fingertips. Now you may think "goodness, how is this possible?" I will elaborate.

For my birthday Jeff gave me a 'make yourself look like an idiot kit' complete with feathers, colorful pom pom balls, superglue and instructions he wrote up himself. Joking around he said "don't actually superglue anything to yourself like I said to in the directions." I laughed. Who would actually superglue anything to themselves?

Making Jeff's birthday card tonight I thought it'd be cute to make a little design on the front of his card using the supplies he gave me. I decided to make a smiley face. Two pom pom balls for the eyes and a feather for the hair. I would draw the rest of the face after. Content with my creative plan, I put away the glue stick I had been using and picked up the, now notorious, superglue. I must have been trying to use it for at least 20 seconds before I realized I had to open the glue thing from the inside. Off to a good start. The glue bag is tiny so I decide to use a pen to penetrate the seal. The pen tip enters the bag and glue spills everywhere including all over my favorite pen...hardening fast. I panic, trying to wipe off the quickly hardening glue on my pen. I pick up the nearest available thing I could use...a piece of cardboard. I wipe the pen off with the cardboard and scribble around. It still works. I smile to myself...how clever and fast acting of me. My self confidence was up again.

So there I am, making my little design, squeezing out giant globs of glue onto the paper and pressing the decorations on with my fingers. Looking back I probably shouldn't have used so much glue. Everything always seems so simple and clear in hindsight. But I can't be blamed...how was I supposed to know how strong it was?

Everything is going fine until its time for the feather. I'm pressing it down hard onto the glue. Feathers are pretty light and airy so there wasn't a lot of substance between my fingers and the superglue. I hold it down for 10 seconds as the directions said. Everything seems fine until I try to lift up my hand. It doesn't move from the paper so well. Actually it doesn't move at all. I look around, seeing if anyone is looking. At least no one can see me in this embarrassing state.

"Okay, this is just ridiculous." I slowly pry my fingers one by one from the birthday card. Slightly painful but no real damage done to either me or the card. I'm happy to have my hand back. However, this happiness only lasts a moment or two since I notice that not only are my fingertips glazed in superglue but I also have pieces of green feather glued onto every other finger. I try to scratch off the feathers but they won't move. I run hot water over my hand but that doesn't seem to do anything except make my hand really hot. I go back into the dining room, sitting in shame, with feathered fingers. I glance down at the superglue bag. "Bonds skin instantly." It wasn't kidding.

I tried to look on the bright side of things...at least I didn't superglue my eye shut or a picture of George Bush to my face...but it was hard to make myself feel any better.

So I guess I really did follow the directions that came with Jeff's gift. I made myself into an idiot, superglueing decorations to my body. From now on its glue sticks and Elmers for me.

So here I am. Typing this entry...still feathered. It is slightly annoying, I'm not gonna lie. But hey what can I do? It's not really something you want to complain to your parents about or bring any attention to at all. I can see how that conversation would go:

Me: Mom, um, I superglued brightly colored feathers to my fingers.
Mom: You did what?
Me: Yes and they won't come off.
Mom: I see....(fumbles for telephone)...let me just call EVERYONE I've ever met...
Me: But mom, it kind of hurts my fingers...
Mom: (on phone) Yes, this is Kathy Hoover, remember me? I asked to borrow your pencil in art school. No.....no....I didn't call to say hi. I have a daughter now. Yes....18. Yup almost in college. Yes well she superglued feathers to her fingers.


Oh how I pay for my stupidity.